Just for fun, the following is a compilation of what I consider the Top 25 sexiest things I've ever been told by a woman.

1 - Your balls look adorable.
2 - I'm not sure how my hand ended up in your crotch.
3 - *lifts up top* these are yours.
4 - I like penguins too.
5 - I skipped my grandmother's funeral to spend time with you.
6 - I got a speeding ticket. (for a booty call)
7 - I'm not wearing panties (said while at church)
8 - get me DRUNK tonight.
9 - I'm a nurse/studying to be one.
10 - I can cook.
11 - Yes.
12 - I don't gag.
13 - I'm on birth control.
14 - I want you sliding in and out of me until we can no longer take the friction.
15 - Ready to fill out that application?
16 - there's a snake between my legs.
17 - Let's forget work an' get back to bed.
18 - Your penis. my mouth. now.
19 - I don't care if my parents are sleeping in the next room.
20 - I'd pay to see you naked.
21 - I'm cooking fried chicken.
22 - I haven't seen your penis, but I'd like to.
23 - *BURP*
24 - I can't find my bra.
25 - I want you more than a stable job.

I lead a boring life.

Newton Faulker: Hand Built by Robots

Released in 2007 but still consistently in my heavy rotation.
It's been awhile since I recommended an album, this would be one of 'em.
I figure it's safe to say it'd be one of my desert island disks.
The following is one of my favorite tracks.
More so because I can identify with it strongly.

Newton Faulkner - I Need Something

I need something to believe in
Cuz I don't believe in myself
And I'm sick and tired
Of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind it anymore
And I don't mind it anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in
Cuz I ain't trusting myself
And I'm scared of failure
So scared of success
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind it anymore
And I don't mind it any....more
More...
Oh yeah

I need something to believe in
Cuz I don't believe in myself
And I'm sick and tired
Of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind it anymore
And I don't mind it any....more
More...
Oh yeah

So to keep up with what's starting to seem like an annual tradition, I'm not having any serious dating options at the moment.
I call it bein' fiscally responsible.

I imagine I'll be spending a part of my Valentine's/Singles Awareness Day over at Balboa Park or Seaport Village being aware.

There's one...
There's one...
They'll probably be too by the end of the night.

Some people wonder if I lead a healthy life.

Happy Chinese/Vietnamese New Year!

Also: 60's bash at my bar tonight.
Feel free to join.

Fun commercials this year.

Because it's fun, I celebrated Martin Luther King day with some racial profiling courtesty of North County Law Enforcement.

A routine traffic stop.
Complete with the standard question: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

Now normally, I'm very compliant and respectful whenever I get pulled over.
Hands on the steering wheel in plain sight.
Verbally acknowledging everything I'm gonna do before committing them.
i.e. "I'm now going to reach into the glove compartment to grab my registration and proof of insurance for you."

Tonight was different.
I'm not sure if I was just drained from a long week, slightly buzzed, or a combination of the both.
For some reason I found myself in my playful, troublemaking mode that some would refer to as my "charming demeanor".
My pops would refer to that mode as "smartass".

In response, I tell him: "You needed a hug and consolation from the Chargers game?"
Laughter.
Venting.
Mutual bashing of the Raiders.
Eventually he forgets whatever superficial reason it was for pulling me over an' sends me off.

Point of this post?
I found myself thinking of all the possible answer I've ever had for that question but never voiced outloud.

The following would be a partial list:
- Because the sky's blue?
- You thought it was a sexy bitch an' it turned out to be just me?
- Because 4+4 does not equal 29?
- You wanted to confiscate some of my chicken sandwiches?
- To keep one less person away from the donut shop?
- Because your sex is on fire?
- You didn't believe Asians could actually drive well in inclement weather?
- Because I stopped believing?
- *rooster call*
- You were sent from the future to assassinate me?
- Just because?
- You wanted to get my phone number?
- I dated your sister an' broke her heart?
- You needed dry cleaning?
- I'm on candid camera?
- Do I owe you money?
- Because I stole a Watchamacallit bar from 7-11 when I was 8?
- That damn sasquatch.
- Because someone has to.
- To tell me that N'SYNC is coming back together and touring?
- Because the cake is a lie?
- Is it my birthday?
- To tell me I'm doing okay?
- To give you an answer an' have you yell out "wrong!"

Feel free to add to the list.
I don't recommend usin' any of them though.

So I've managed to survive 2010 so far.
Congrats to everyone else reading this.
Apparently you have to.

Been letting the hair grow out since my razor broke last year.
Even had a nice mohawk goin' for New Years Day.
Our bar was holding an 80's theme.

Fu Man Chu's been growing out well also.
Too well in fact.
Keeps getting in my mouth whenever I eat.
I equate it to cunnilingus without any of the benefits for myself.

In case you haven't noticed, there's no life-clarifying moment in this post.
Just a filler 'til I can get around to organizing my thoughts on paper better.

Best wishes to everyone!

[insert semi, non-standard New Year's greeting here]

So for Halloween I was myself with more hair.
I used to keep it shaved until my razor broke.

But yea, this is just another quick filler.
With the childhood home sold off to a nice couple I'm in gypsy mode 'til my brother can land a steady job.
I like to refer to this period as Couch Tour '09.
Or couch quality assessment.

For now, actual dialogue between myself an' one of my friends that serves to remind me I should go to my lady friends for relationship advice.

"So what do you think of the woman I'm dating right now?"
"I'd hit that."
"Well, duh. But what do you think relationship-wise?"
"Umm... I'd hit that hard."

Right.

I need a better costume idea for Halloween than Asian bartender.

Conversations with a Niece Pt. I

Her: Hi Uncle!
Me: Dude! You got tall... I can fart in your face standing up.
Her: *while holding her nose* Ewwwww....
Me: Well I didn't say I was gonna do it now.
Her: *stares*
Me: Can you reach up this high? *up to my chest*
Awesome! Hi-five! Do you remember my name?
Her: *intense thinking* Yes... Uncle Reggie.
Me: Good job! Wanna know something?
Her: What?
Me: I forgot your name.
Her: Boo!
Me: It's cool though, you get a monster hug.
*big ol' hug complete with growling noises*
Her: *the sweet laughter of a child that has no expectations of me*
Me: Wait a second... Is that your boyfriend? He's giving me dirty looks.
Her: Ewww! No! Boys are gross!
Me: Well you keep thinking that way for at least another decade. Your parents will appreciate it.
Her: Huh?
Me: Well, I gotta talk to your mommy an' figure out what your name is now.
----------------------------

Techinically, she's not my niece.
Just my friend's daughter.
She's disgustingly adorable so I adopted the ish out of her.

Is there a point to this post?
Reggie works well with toddlers.
They don't make him feel self-conscious about his writings.

Just checking in to let everyone know I'm still alive.

Foreclosure, such a fun mess.
Also wrapped up hosting a karaoke competition, sung at a bunch of weddings, debuted a few new spoken word pieces in Costa Mesa, wrote a couple new songs, dealing w/ general unemployment, an' starting to date again.

My past month in a nutshell.

Man.
Has it really been a year since I got laid off?
I figure the main reason I started dating again is because I got tired of bein' stressed out by a year of job interviews that lead nowhere and lack of steady income.

At least I can take solace in the fact that Alanis Morrissette's "Ironic" is ironic because none of the examples used in the song are ironic.
That was my life-changing moment of the day.

Things to finish editing an' eventually post:
- Do's & Dont's of dating me
- Two spoken word pieces
- One new song
- Friend's dating profile
- Fillers
- Dating stories?

While editing, I realized I needed to clarify something from my last post.
"home kitchen appliances"
Contrary to popular belief, I do not hold conversations with inanimate objects.
It's just a term I use to describe friends in a nonsensical manner.

It used to be "home skillet" until one of my other friends pointed out that her father likes to use that term alot.
Bein' a fan of originality, I started opting for the use of "home kitchen appliance".
If only for the customizable opportunities given to us.
I called dibs on "home George Foreman grill" already.

Heading back to editor mode.
Some of you actually figured out the e-mail option.
Which, more or less, has inspired me to try to get more of my writings out there.
Including select pieces from my dating manual.
'Cuz apparently I'm holding seminars now.

One of my home kitchen appliances pointed out that my dating life is a mess.
In retrospect, I laugh because she might be onto something.
Consider this a filler post until I organize that & my writings.

I identify with this piece, go figure.

Beau Sia - Love

I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world
And I don't give a fuck
I have no original ideas.

I recite poetry to get women to fall in love with me.
Women who hear this:
FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!

That's what it comes down to
Life or death.
Jesus, I've seen a man jack off to a GAP window display
Don't tell me that love isn't important
Because love isn't easy.
In fact, it's the bane of my existence,
The reason why I hate Valentine's Day and Halloween.
Which is about ghosts.
And I think you know where I'm going here...

I'm going to the land of girlfriends of Halloweens past
And maybe I've only got three ghosts in this land
But this doesn't mean that they don't bring their friends.
Because girls rarely travel alone in this land.

Lydia is from this land.
I used to kiss her while listening to The Cure's "Just Like Heaven"
Now that song makes me sad.
Why must we associate music with our love lives?
I'm not trying to be profound.
I'm just saying that music takes me back.
And I can't explain the memory process involved in that
Because I was not a Psychology major.
And maybe my problem with picking up college-aged women
Has to do with me always asking them:
"Yo shortay! What's your major?"

Maybe I shouldn't look at women in terms of picking them up.
Maybe I should open up my sensitive side.
But really...
The sensitive side sucks.
I've been there.
You can only imagine the kinds of sweaters they make you wear.
It's not fair.
Love is not fair.
And war is not fair.
And I don't care what anyone has to say about any of that.
I feel unloved.

Am I the only one?
I know that I can't be that misunderstood.
But you don't want to understand me.
You just want to hear the part about my small dick again.
'Cuz the Asian man will always be plagued by this RUMOR.
Until he is brave enough to whip it out on stage and say:
"OHH! WE ARE GIGANTIC!!!"

Honestly,
This is not the direction I wanted to take this poem.
I just want to be in the arms of my true love.
In the wonderful, perfect world with our two children:
Helga and Lamar
'Cuz love has got me fucked up and dying.
Because I feel retarded without anyone to hold me.
And maybe that's sentimental.
But what is wrong with sentimental?
All I'm saying is...
Someone.
Love me.

Currently on meds to lower blood pressure because I'm at the beginning stages of HTP.
Not liking the way they affect me.

But yea, ended up goin' to a strip club w/ some ol' college buds the other night.
Ran into a woman that was almost a serious enough relationship that she could've qualified for ex-girlfriend status.
An aggressive lapdance.
I re-injure my knee.

There are some quality stories in there, I'm just not in the right mindset to put 'em on paper.

Open house, good times.
Feels weird pitching a house I currently live in.
'Specially when nobody told me it was gonna happen today.
At least it lead to inspiration to write a happy foreclosure song.
'Cuz there should be at least one happy song out there in our current economy.

Semi-hectic life = myself not posting regularly.
Go figure.
Just wanted to share this gem with you before I head back into editing mode.
Feel free to guess which one was me.

A: So I was trying to tempt [our friend] into buying a PS3 by telling him to put it on his credit card. I was pretty much the devil on his shoulder.
B: Well, that's not fair. At least bring me out to be the angel on the other shoulder and give him a chance.
B: *whisper* use the credit card...
A: That's not much of an angel.
B: But I said it softer.

Just curious.
Would everyone rather have me focus on the lighter pieces or the serious ones first?